Misadventures in Dating

Spot: Churrascaria Porcao
Chic: 28/Brazilian
Body type: Brazilian
Occupation: Doctor

I won’t hit on a chic at the gym unless she’s in tight tights, bent over on a leg machine with a phenomenal ass staring up at me. With that said, this beauty from Ipanema had all of the above and well, she was nothing short of amazing.

I made my way through every leg machine in her sight line (good thing I planned on working back that day) I threw gym etiquette to the wind by asking her out. I wish I can tell you I came up with some great line, but in simplicity there is beauty… And nothing as simply beautiful as the “yes” that rolled off her tongue.

Seeing as Sunday was too short a notice, and we both had plans, the next day would have to do.

Side note: Typically the easiest way to have a chic feel comfortable with you in the blink of an eye is to take her somewhere indicative of her culture/upbringing. In most cases, after religion, Brazilians love their food.

We met at Churrascaria Porcao, on Park Ave. Turns out we had a lot in common, we are both aggressive type A’s that need to get what we want and it turns out she is a Doctor, jokingly I said you aren’t a Chiropractor are you? I hear they aren’t really doctors… Apparently she found that funny and moved closer to me (I wouldn’t date a chiro, they are just average).

Through conversation, she said if I thought I was getting lucky tonight, I was sorely mistaken. Nonchalantly I said, “what makes you think I would sleep with you?” If she was anything that resembled a type A, her ego would parlay my rebuttal into a challenge.

Either way I win! No?

Being the chosen one that I am, we ended up at my place. Now I can go into details about the mind blowing sex I had with her, but the crux of the story is what happened in the morning while I was getting ready for work.

Side note 2: Brazilians, tend to be very religious (except we used a condom or 6) and respectful to older people. Plus they are the most beautiful women in the world!

My day usually begins at 5:30 in the AM, TV comes on with financial news, all the speakers throughout are a buzz with whatever the TV is spitting out.

I invite her to come shower with me and I even offered her  a toothbrush (we know it was going straight into the bin after she left, after all this was to be a one time appearance) to go with the shower. She declined saying she needed a few more minutes in bed.

OK, I had morning wood and had to basically pee upside down, I took a shower and got ready for work.

House Keeper: My house keeper is the shit, after my mother there is my house keeper and my secretary, no other women will ever come close. She has been with me for 4-5 years. She makes my breakfast, freshly squeezed OJ everyday, keeps my place clean, does my laundry and if she finds lingering thongs strewn about, she throws them away, never to be found.

I gently nudged Ipanema to get dressed and she said it;

“It’s OK, I can stay here and leave after you go to work.”

In my mind I’m like fuck no, so I did what any smart man would do. I told her to listen carefully, to which she heard my housekeeper setting my breakfast up. She asked who was that since I told her I lived alone.

I looked her square in the eye and said, “It’s my mom, she came to make me breakfast today.”

With the a look of fright and embarrassment she threw her clothes on and “convinced” me to sneak her out of my place.

Smiling I sat at the counter about to dig into my breakfast when my housekeeper bursts out laughing and says, “let me guess, I’m your mother?”

To which I said yes….

It’s now about 9:30 in the AM and I have already received 2 text messages from my Ipanema asking when we are going out again.

I think not….

Game, set and match? Me!

Ciao

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