Misadventures in Dating

It’s always worth it.

Have you ever been hooking up with a girl and she pulls away and says, “It’s that time of month.” She thinks she’s getting away, but she’s not. Don’t be a pussy. Get down there and lick her clit (there’s no blood on her clit). That will shock the shit out of her. Then you have to pull up. Pretend you’re going to touch her pussy. Grab that little white string and yank it out before she can respond. See what she says then.

The murder scene is for true troopers. Not for the faint of heart. She’ll never forget you for it.

Trust me, you’re not the first or the last one to do it to this girl, and this girl won’t be your last. Remember, like Rusty from National Lampoons Vacation (see chapter: Holidays: Don’t Dress Like an asshole), the term, ‘Getting your Red Wings’ wasn’t made up.

Aside: If you’re in a hotel room and building up for the murder scene, make sure you put the ‘do not disturb sign on the door’. Chances are, you’ll be passed out asleep in the morning when the maid walks in. She’ll think you killed the dirty bitch (who likes to fuck on the rag) and next thing you know, there’ll be a room full of cops writing reports and looking at the blood all over both of your bodies.

Aside aside: So now you should know that the murder scene can go a lot further than banging a bitch on the rag. You have to be careful of the possible situations that you may be in and find yourself being arrested for the attempted murder. Recently, I was taking a collegue home from an event and nothing big other than conversation etc. Then a couple of days later, (I hadn’t driven the car for a couple days) I get into the car and notice something I have seen before, but not in the same spot as I have previously seen…I saw a bunch of blood and muck on the seat of my car and it look surprisingly similar to the muck I have seen many times before on my pig. Now putting 2 and 2 together I figured out that my collegue was on the rag, wearing a skirt and bled all over my fucking seat…I mean either this broad was shot in the pussy unbeknownst to me or she bled through her fucking tampon and skirt. Either way, I wasn’t grossed out because I know the feeling…But I did learn a lesson and that was to be extremely careful about women in skirts coming into my car. What if she was 14 and just got her rag? Embarrased and a bithc like all women are. All she would have to do is lie and blame me. Next thing you know I’m in jail cause of a bithc on the rag. Carry wet naps…

To truly earn the red wings (with honors), during the build up to having sex and throughout the gory act, you have to repeatedly tell her how much you love it, how much the blood and muck turns you on. Once it’s all over, the second you get up to go to the bathroom to clean that dirty mess off your pig (see Vocabulary), you should make a point of staring down at the dirty, bloody, black piece of cotton that’s been in her pussy for fourteen hours and smells like a dead rat, and go, “Iiughkh!” This will remind her that letting a guy fuck you on the rag is not really cool, and that she’s a dirty smelly whore (even your girlfriend). She’s owes you. This will make her remember that you are a better person than her (see chapter: Always Make Them Feel That You’re Better Than Them).

Special Note: No matter how many times this happens to them, for some mystical reason (probably something to do with the moon) they’ll never remember. It’s like a dog eating peanut butter. They’ll never just think, ‘No, that’ll make me feel like shit.’ You can give a fucking dog peanut butter fifteen days in a row and it’ll never know. The rag only lasts for four. This means that you are able to repeat the murder scene over and over again, even if you choose to really go for gold and humiliate them afterwards. Murder scenes are a special gift.

Casual Dater Commentary, JBIC, Men's Interest, Misadventures in Dating - The Book Murder Scene, Tampax, Tampon