Misadventures in Dating

Admittedly this post started off as a reply to a comment on Harper’s blog. Thinking it got a bit long in the tooth I decided to just digress here on my own space where I can use the colorful language you all know, love and expect.

It all started with a chick on Harper’s blog saying she was in Finance, which got me to thinking. Now how many of you chicks and chickits have been hit on by some douche who says he is in fi-nance, and is really something below a Banker, Trader or Executive Management?

If your hand is down, turn off your computer take a large dildo and stick it up your fucking ass because you are full of fucking shit!

I saw a friend of mine at the beer garden on Sunday, she told me she just met a banker, blah blah fucking blah and she wanted me to come meet him. Turns out he is my analyst.

Now I knew this little shit and I couldn’t really give a shit to blow up his spot (the whole bros before hoes thing I guess) so I gave him the opportunity to tell her what he really is or I would, instead he moved on to find another chick. Fine, no foul, play ball.

Here is the hierarchy as I know it;

1. Executive Management
2. Banker/Trader (although traders are sniveling coke heads, they deserve their dues)
3. quants (analysts, usually in cubicles or windowless rooms in sub-basement C)

Anything else is just some other profession that doesn’t matter. Hell I put my assistant before the quants.

Advice: To all you Daba/DABIT’s, remember, all that glitters isn’t gold. Just because he’s in Fi-nance, doesn’t mean is is making the bank you believe think he is making.

• Yes, he can get you into certain spots
• Yes, he can shell out for that bottle of Vodka you pass along to your friends
• Yes, he may even be able to put your feet in those red soled heels you so desperately seek to compliment the DvF draped over that french lingerie that is wrapping the most subtle pieces of flesh your body has to offer.

I guarantee he cant give you all of the above and more, especially in the frequency to which you require it.

Albeit, if he is good at what he does his stock price may increase and he may even be promoted to head chimp. But remember, he will always be an analyst.

Casual Dater Commentary analysts, Bankers, chicks, DABA, dabit, Investment Bankers, Liars, monkeys, traders

All boys are frat boys in some way, it’s just that those of us who return to N.Y. after our college years find that spitting beer on each other and smoking from bongs is no longer kool. Those kind of guys don’t get laid in N.Y. They simply get fat from beer and grow long hair and act like they don’t care. But they really do care, they just don’t know how to change. It’s the Geographic Influence at work.

Then there are those of us who figure out that the tables have turned. All those things that actually helped us get laid in college now work against us. We have to regroup, huddle up and put a game plan together. Some of us rely on our looks and focus on that. Some of us rely on our sense of humor, and then there are those who rely on a wallet full of dough and a pocket full of blow. Either way you look at it, some combination of all of these things leads to fun in N.Y./L.A. and getting good-looking girls to hang out and maybe eat each others cheech .

Is this just about N.Y.? Absolutely not. But the truth is that in many cities in the United States it is harder to distinguish between the Geographic Influence. Take Chicago, for instance. This is a gray area. You see, boys that leave college and go back to Chicago see other boys who are fat, without style, and ugly. So they all get together and do the same things that they did in college. They are simply in a bigger city. This leads to them think that what they are doing is OK and that other people actually like it and find it amusing. I mean, does anyone past the age of 23 really think that chugging a Miller Lite is kool? No, not really.

Aside: Interestingly enough, drinking a scotch really fast to get things going before a night out can, on occasion, be kool. Tread carefully, though.

The problem is that these guys go out with girls in their geographic area and attempt to wow them with college humor and antics. They can’t figure out why the only girls that they are able to bang are the fat chicks who compete with them in beer drinking and pizza eating contests on Friday nights.

Now we come to the minority of guys in various “gray” geographic areas who figure out that this sophomoric fraternity style does not work with the ladies now they are back home. They change with the times. These are the guys that get all the girls. It’s like stealing from a retard. They are banging their way through their twenties and thirties and laughing about it while the other idiots are still talking about how much fucking fun they had at Ohio State and still pissing themselves in their sleep after a binge.

Side Aside: Nostalgia for college life is a true sign of a man who cannot adapt. Not only are you destined to bang fat, ugly chicks for the rest of your life, but you are also destined to be poor. No one will promote a douche who smells like beer, doesn’t get haircuts, and still talks in the same language he used in college. “Why, exactly, are you still wearing white socks with your suit? You’re fired!”

Unfortunately the same goes for women. What makes you think that a funny, good-looking guy is going to be interested in dating a girl who still chugs beer and goes to peace rallies? I mean, some of these broads eat like pigs. Don’t you know that all we can think about is how much you are eating?

Advice: If you really want to have fun in your life and get hot chicks, forget about college and move to a big city like L.A., Miami or New York for a few years before you move back home for good.

Then when you get back you are educated in the ways of the kool and you will raise your odds of getting laid by up to 50%. That’s not bad, you know. Other cities in the U.S. are actually loads of fun, if only you know how to act.

Casual Dater Commentary, JBIC, Men's Interest, Misadventures in Dating - The Book beer, Chicago, chicks, chugging, frat boys, L.A., N.Y., picking up