Misadventures in Dating

As much as women may hate the thought of this, it is true. Never ever underestimate our powers and lies.

Many of my female friends have read these chapters in disgust and anger, mostly because they can’t fathom that we men could think about life and love in this way. Let me confirm right here that all of us do think in this way, even though some are admittedly louder and less ashamed to admit it than others.

Some girls read these chapters and notice that only one or two of the situations have been familiar to them. This lets them feel excluded from the mass of “whores” who the chapters must have been written about. This is a sham. Bitch, be honest! Not only are one or two of these situations relevant to you, but some of them you have experienced in the same night!

But the main crux of this chapter surrounds those girls who read these chapters and swear to NEVER, EVER allow this to actually happen to them. They think that by reading these chapters they have been given insight into the male psyche and that they are better equipped to avoid bastards like me. Well ladies let me set the record straight by telling you that no matter how hard you try, and how conscious you are of the situation, IT CAN STILL HAPPEN TO YOU! You are too weak in the heart to take our barrage of bullshit and compliments.

Aside: Guys, don’t worry about me revealing these stories and giving away our secrets. The truth is that they are all mushy and lame and all it takes to make them forget is a stiff drink, a compliment, a twiddle of the bead, empty promises of weekends away, and lies about monogamy. They all forget what they have learned, and the reason they forget is that they all have a misconstrued theory that somehow, someway they can fix you. They really believe that there is a Utopic relationship out there somewhere. So play the game as you always have and believe me, it will still work.

I have still been able to bang chicks whom I have told about the Murder Scene, and who had actually been victims of the Murder Scene. The truth is, I actually do have money in the birdcage from The Cuddle Deposit, from when I have asked for financial guarantees against prudishness. Tell them what a scumbag you are. They will still want to prove that they can be the one who changed you.

Aside aside: This chapter is especially good when you are a bystander and get to see it all happen. When you have a broad who has ruined men before. One who thinks that her ass doesn’t smell and that she is hot shit. When you get to see a master use these tricks and techniques on her and she eats it all up. Ah this is the joy of being a man and seeing the girl lowered to the whore that she is.

Advice: Girls, just accept the fact that we are pigs and learn to love our ways and our stupid attempts to get at your cheech, rather than trying to fight it. It will make your life so much easier.

When people ask why you are with such an obnoxious pig just laugh and say, “I know he’s crazy, but I’ve learned to love it.”

Advice for the men: Tell the bitch what a scumbag you are on the first night. Tell her about your nasty ways and that you have never been monogamous. That you are a user and a pig.

She will like you even more. She will tell herself that she hates you, but that is false. It will be here goal to change you and conquer you. This will never happen of course, but she will try and it will be fun to watch.

Casual Dater Commentary, JBIC, Men's Interest, Misadventures in Dating - The Book chics, cliche, stupid

Spot: Restaurant/Bar
Chic: 32/Italian
Occupation: ???
Body type: Fit

Night starts off with me sitting at the bar, sucking down a Goose and Club, when my phone starts vibrating. Its her, she just BBM’d me asking if I were there. She walks in with the grace and poise usually not associated with a Match girl. We exchange the usual pleasantries and do the obligatory kiss on the cheek. Decide that a woman like this deserves a booth as opposed to an uncomfortable bar stool. We make our way to a nice dimly lit corner booth. She orders a Belvedere and tonic, OK she has taste. Over the next 45 mins or so we are flirting with each other, sexual innuendo is littered throughout the conversation and the light brushes of our hands on each others bodies begin.

Thinking she was a classy dame I thought maybe I should slow play this one and use the takeaway close. With my hand running the curves of her thighs I gently squeeze and say its getting late and I have an early day tomorrow, would you like me to get you a cab? Shocked she decided to parry my passe’ and says ” You can’t be tired, it’s not even 9 o’clock!” Bit desperate, but I ignored it.

Here was my in, so to speak. Nonchalantly I offered her the opportunity to come back to my place and keep the evening going over a bottle of wine (which reminds me, I need to stock up). Without hesitation she agrees. I ask the waiter for the check.

Side note: If you like the chic, pay with plastic. If you want to nail the bitch to the headboard, pay with cash and don’t be a douche. 20% if the service was good, more if the waitress is hot. Get a fucking money clip. No one keeps cash in their wallets anymore!

We make our way to my place. Now you can tell a lot by a woman’s breeding on how she walks on the street, i.e. if she walks on the side with the cars or that of the buildings. This one knew to stay on the side of the buildings.

We take a look at the bottles of wine on the rack and she goes for the Silver Oak, great a $75 bottle of wine for a chic I don’t know if I like. I break out the rabbit (wine opener you pervert) and pour two glasses. Whilst pouring I feel her creeping up behind me and running her hands up and down my torso, gently sliding her fingertips into my pants.

Great we are gonna fuck and I just uncorked a great bottle of fucking mother cunt wine!

Slightly pissed off, I turn around, pick her up and slam her against my fridge and start making out with her. In moments we were stark naked fucking on the counter tops, the couch, the floor and an old favorite, the stairs (thank you Thomas fucking Crown). By the end of it I probably painted her entire body.

There is something to be said of the older woman, they are vigorous to say the least and they know how they like it and let you know without saying a word. After a couple hours or foreplay and fucking we decided to call it a night and go to bed.

But she was insatiable, I couldn’t keep my hands off of her. I can’t even begin to tell you the last time I had great sex, much less went more than 3 or 4 times in one night.

FUCKING AMAZING!

6 A.M. my alarm goes off and its time to ditch the bitch shower and hit the gym. She is getting dressed, I’m thinking OK, Yes I fucked her the first night a met her (whore), but the sex was great, she is hot, geographically desirable and she hasn’t done the kiss of death. So I throw her a bone and offer her a toothbrush. Make her a cup of coffee, in a to go cup and I escort her downstairs to get her a cab.

Here it is ladies and gentlemen,

Chic: Thank you for drinks and I had an amazing time last night.
Me: I know, as did I.
Chic: Before I go, I just want you to know that I don’t usually do these things.
Me: (About to cry because she just became a cliche) What meet guy online or fuck him within an hour of meeting?
Chic: (Puzzled look on her face) What?
Me: You just fucked up any other chance of me seeing you again, now piss the fuck off you stupid cunt

She starts yapping away, Blah, blah, fuckin blah… Put her into the cab close the door and hit the gym.

Moral of the story;

THEY DON’T FUCKING MAKE THEM LIKE THEY USED TO!!!!!

Casual Dater Real Life cliche, Cunt, Financial, Mature, Slut, typical, Whore