This story relates to the age-old advice that we get from our fathers. They say to us: “If you want to know what your girl is going to look like when she gets older, just look at her mother and you will know.”

This leads me to the title of this chapter. I want you to look back in your life and try to remember all the hot Russian chicks you have known. I mean some of these chicks are so hot that I want to puke in my shoes when I see them.

Young Russian women are infamous for being some of the sexiest chicks on the planet. Truth be told, I think that they are the hottest when they are hot. But allow me to pose this question to you:

How many hot Russian women do you know over the age of 40?

Don’t bother. I know the answer. NONE!

The bomb

The Babushka Bomb

What happens to these beautiful girls? Well, I have a suggestion. As Russian girls pass through their thirties, somewhere back in the Homeland, a military unit begins focusing their sniper sights on them. Fuck, they probably use satellites and all that shit you see in the movies. Whatever. And then, once these formerly vomit-inducing beauties pass the big Four-Oh. WHAM! They are hit with the Babushka Bomb.

Their asses grow at a much faster rate than any other part of their body. Their taste in clothes and shoes starts regressing. Seriously, since when were those high-heel-flip-flop shoes in vogue? What on earth makes a woman with dark eyebrows think that peroxide blonde hair with dark roots is attractive? And what about the ones who gain fifty pounds? Does fifty pounds in weight come with a clause that forces one to cut ones hair like a eight year old boy? It is truly one of the greatest falls from grace that I can think of. Lucifer, watch out, we have a contender.

Aside: While first and foremost a Russian weapon, the Babushka Bomb may, at some point, have found its way into the hands of Spain, China, and Mexico. These countries should also be explored with great precaution. While their women are stunning in their younger years, Old Man Time is not kind, not kind at all. Marry at your own risk!

Don’t ever, ever pass up an opportunity to sleep with a hot, young girl, but don’t be a fool and fall in love.

Advice: No matter how hot they are, beware of the Babushka Bomb. You should probably assume that it is aimed at almost every woman you meet.

Unless you have done some serious research. I mean Family Trees and shit. Details. Find out anything and everything you can about the chicks’ genetic code, because more than likely she comes with an expiration date. Bang ‘em when they’re young, man, bang ‘em when they’re young…